Let’s Seriously Transform Ourselves This Holiday Weekend

In my task to keep us fresh and out front here at Ames Scullin O’Haire, for the purpose of new business and attracting new clients, I try to canvas what other ad agencies are up to, to check and see what they are saying about themselves, and who the heck they are “as people” that might give me a glimpse into what makes them potentially cooler and more interesting than us. That is, if “interesting” can make one more attractive as an agency candidate, and I sure as shit think it can! (Or at least I am willing to try anything for the sake of winning new business.) Plus it seems like cooler people just have better ideas and can crank out better work. Maybe.

It even starts with the coolness factor of the agencies themselves. G2. Droga5. Def6. Liquid 9. 22Squared. Element 79. Even Crispin and Kirshenbaum, who were pretty cool to start, have added a + sign to their names. Seems like you need a number or a symbol to be current and cool. Think about what it did for Prince. (OK, so that didn’t work out that well.) But, we could be “the agency formerly known as ASO.” TAFKASO! How cool is that name?!!

And I have to say I was shocked and dismayed to see just how cooler and more interesting some other “agency people” seem to be compared to us. Now please, don’t take this too personally, even though you will. I mean you didn’t name yourselves, your parents did; and you were born where you were born. Not your fault if you were born in say Marietta, Georgia as opposed to that other Georgia that used to be in the Soviet Union, near one of those “stan” countries. I mean, it’s just so much cooler to have a receptionist with an “Eastern European” accent, and wonder if she just might be in covert ops for the KGB as she sits and orders Willy’s for a big meeting.

And since I was speaking of “stan,” let’s just say our names leave a lot of room for improvement on the cool meter as well. Why at just one small, hip, SOHO located agency in NYC, they have the following folks: Ricardo, Vaughn, Berit, Toph, Nikelle, Chet, Petter (that’s right, not Peter . . . but Petter!), Dustin and January! Not to mention, the fabulously sounding, British-born Account Planner, Gordon Thompson III. I mean, his ideas have to seem better with a name like that. Plus he has a series of Roman Numerals as well.

We, on the other hand, have an overabundance of Katie’s and Steve’s. I am thinking of selling our ideas a bit harder by changing my name to “ C. Kensington Wentworth.” And please, don’t call me Ken. At least we have a Guillermo at ASO. Cool Latin name! But of course he shortened it to go by “Moe.” Great. Thanks.

Even our backgrounds need a boost. Why one bio I saw from a very cool Creative at a small NYC boutique said he had “gone to art school in Thailand; edited the Daily Princetonian; went on to work at Boat Digest (is there really such a pub?); is tri-lingual; and only wears T-Shirts to work that always have some kind of silhouetted birds!” OK, we need some more of that kind of stuff in our bio write-ups.

Anyway, we’re tryin’ as hard and as fast as we can to get current and cool, so kudos to all! I mean, we do have a Micah and a Mibbie. And we’ve recently added a Heena. Now, if only Steve Harding and Katie Deegan would use their last names as “firsts,” we would be sounding a lot more hip, with a “Harding and a Deegan” as part of our new and very cool “British” Engagement team!!

So, let’s all look at embellishing our bios next week, and perhaps changing a few names, and we’ll be all set for a very successful Fall new business season.

Very best, and have a great Labor Day weekend holiday.

(Steve) “Stefano” Haber.